Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
