these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
