Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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