I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
time to smoke my breakfast
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
