Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
