I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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