I think I won the penis lottery.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
