I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We are all done wearing pants today
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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