There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
