Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dear god my vagina.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
