It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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