Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
