This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
