i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
