we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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