I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so explain again why im purple
no
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
