my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
