This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I AM VODKA MAN
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize