Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
