Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
