i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
