In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
