she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
that may or may not have been my penis.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
