And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
