giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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