This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
