her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
