One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
50% drunk capacity currently
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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