She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
