Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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