dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
