well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
