Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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