Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
