It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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