i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
