the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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