Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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