ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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