Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize