I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
