last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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