My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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