Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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