stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
