So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize