my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
