Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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