I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
