sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
