Nicole vs. Life
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
