my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
