i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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