I'm so fucking centered right now
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
