Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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