take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize