Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The adults are the big ones right?
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