I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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