That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
