Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
