my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
