i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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