dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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