I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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