Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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