nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
