It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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