what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
