he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
